How Do I LOVE Thee "Food For Thought Before You Say "I DO" ~ Lesson Six & Seven ~

How Do I Love Thee

Food For Thought BEFORE You Say “I DO”

Here I want to discuss some basic guidelines that I think will be helpful! Working together as a couple is a priority to really consider? Of course it is easier said than done. Some couples just opt to "do their own thing!" We are able to work together with co workers, friends, relatives, neighbors and… Why not as a couple? Your marriage will be what you make it… Notice how a boat rows better with two oars working together in harmony! They both help you reach your destination much faster!

The world offers many alternatives…

Since God has made us all unique, each couple is quite different. It is important that as a couple; if you desire to build a healthy home environment that you consider the importance of transparency, intimacy and good open communication. These are components that will help your marriage flourish. It is important to take time to listen to one another! Home should be a shelter from the storms of life.

God is Love and with Him in the center of your marriage you will be able to weather the tempestuous storms that life so often brings forth. Remember just as you planned your wedding, or plan anything else make sure you take the time to include some future "Happy" life events and plan building great memories together!

It is important to keep in mind your vows; your commitment was to the Lord as well as to your spouse. God is always just a prayer away…

~ LESSON SIX ~

READY FOR INTIMACY

A strong Christian marriage must contain intimacy. We must develop a warm endearing closeness, a relationship in which we can be transparent. If your potential mate is the desired lifetime partner there should be not doubts in the area of trust. Marriage should consist of an ever increasing closeness. After all this should be the person who should be closer to you than anyone else? Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Intimacy does not just imply physical closeness. Many people engage in physical relationships without experiencing intimacy. Life experiences often help us to develop walls that emotionally protect us from further hurt. These walls create barriers.

These barriers must gradually come down as we learn to entrust who we are to our love one. This is why it is so important that Christians seek God’s counsel when seeking a marriage partner. When a marriage omits God’s principles and direction it can be a living hell.

GOD created us to have an intimate personal relationship with Him. Let’s practice by developing an intimate relationship with our potential spouse. The physical intimacy we later experience after the vows can be greatly enriched due to the depth of the relationship.

Intimacy can be delightful! Intimacy lightens your load and enables you to freely express who you truly are without reservation. The Bible tells us freely you give freely you will receive. Your marriage should ultimately be a safe place to express sincere intimacy.

When two come together in marriage they are coming from two separate living environments. The way in which their parents and family related have somewhat impacted their anticipation of what to expect in marriage. Consciously make an effort to abandon unhealthy relational dynamics that have been modeled. The two of you are unique; your marriage will be unique as well.

Seek God’s guidance and HIS direction. The two of you are embarking on virgin waters. Remember God knows all about each of you. When you sincerely beseech Him He has promised to direct your paths. You must be willing to be patient and willing to listen and follow God’s direction. How can you truly love someone without God because GOD IS LOVE!

~ LESSON SEVEN ~

WHAT ABOUT THE IN-LAWS?

TOO often we have selective memories. The marriage vows usually states “forsaking all others.” Why are in-laws allowed to create havoc? How we start out will greatly impact how we end up.

All others including in-laws must butt out!!!

After over thirty-eight (38) years of marriage I can truly say your spouse should come first. I visually remember the spiritual counseling of our Pastor. He explained how the ring is an unending symbol of marriage. It should represent an impenetrable circle. He emphasized how no one should be allowed to enter into that circle. The two are one spiritually speaking. The oneness experienced in marriage does not mean you give up who you are!

You are two equal halves that are spiritually joined together in the ultimate human relationship. Although equal you both bring different aspects to the relationship. It is a quest like no other. You must learn to walk in a harmonious cadence.

True oneness in marriage cannot be experienced if you allow in-laws to penetrate the circle. If necessary let them become out-laws (smile) it is not necessary to alienate yourself from your relatives. It is crucial that you establish boundaries. The boundaries need to clearly define their limitations. There must be a weaning period. The couple must spend quality time fortifying their union.

Don’t hastily share every aspect of your spats. You will find in time you will get over them; they won’t! They will keep an ongoing tally of wrong or hurtful events. When you display respect for your spouse it is highly possible they will too.

Don’t allow them to disrespect your relationship. Remember to exercise patience with them. Forsaking all others does not mean being in considerate. After all they need time to adjust to the two of you as well. There are situations prior to marriage that oftentimes create hostility among family members. If this is the case I recommend the couple agreeing not to let the relatives use your house for a battleground. Adamantly insist no excess baggage dumped or parked on your abode!

What does a spouse do when their mate can’t cut the old apron strings? What happens if a spouse embarrasses their mate in the presence of other family members, friends or in-laws? Do you ignore their comments? Do you ruminate on the unpleasant encounter? The couple considering marriage should be aware of possible unpleasant encounters. What do we do? How do we deal with the situation? Remember marriage gives you the opportunity to develop a healthy living environment.

Oftentimes when one comes from a hostile living environment they unconsciously duplicate that familiar habitat. Role playing certain situations and reversing positions will give you a simulated area to experience dissension. Spiritual warfare is alive and kicking. A conscientious soldier prepares for battle; even if war never comes to pass. When a couple is united they can be a force to reckon with. In-laws, out-laws anyone else watch out! Read and meditate on Ephesians 6.