Marriages & Affairs

Marriages & Affairs

PART I

An affair is a sexual and or emotional intimate relationship between two people outside of marriage. The relationship often takes priority over the marital union. Marriages that do not include “Transparency & Intimacy” are susceptible to infidelity. An affair can also be just a compulsive vehement emotional attachment that threatens the couple's harmony in marriage. Be it physical or emotional there is a transference that occurs. Either spouse has opted to seek someone outside of the marriage to meet their physical or emotional needs.

When either spouse does not learn how to become transparent, they are usually deficient in the intimacy department. Although the relationship continues marital “trust” is not established or has been interrupted. There is a lingering element of insecurity that is indicative of the relationship. There is also an insatiable void that causes one to seek outside of the marital union for acceptance or support. A pattern of ongoing dysfunction within the marriage can easily be established if not dealt with…

Secrecy becomes a part of the marriage!

Marriage was designed so each spouse could grow together and openly share their wants, needs, desires, insecurities and become sensitive, and vulnerable to one another. The desire in marriage is usually to build a healthy loving environment of love and trust. Working as a team both of you seek to mutually enjoy life together with one another. Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a husband and wife. In a committed monogamous marriage, a continual level of "Spiritual Oneness" becomes possible. This leads to building a stronger cohesive lifelong bond.

Each partner is different yet equally important. They both bring significant qualities to the marriage. Vigorously seeking to actively meet one another’s marital needs should be a major priority in your marriage. Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a husband and wife. You both have committed to be life partners. Marriage is about building one another up. Mutual respect cultivates a healthier environment where your personal needs can be met. Marital needs go far beyond sexual intercourse.

There are numerous reasons why someone is not able to establish “intimacy and transparency.” When one has been abused, mistreated, neglected, lack coping skills, is subject to peer pressure, or has an addiction they quite often lack self- esteem as well. They may suffer from depression, rather than address their hurts they suppress them. It may also be that they simply lack moral and spiritual values. In either case they may unconsciously select a partner that does not subscribe to transparency or is abusive. They tend to be drawn to dysfunction. When not addressed this in itself can cause one to continue to look beyond marriage to have their needs met. Distrust and secrecy begin to dominate the marriage.

Each marriage is quite different!

Each spouse has a different temperament. They each vary in the need or desire for Inclusion, Control and Affection. Some couples marry and establish a businesslike relationship. They then often seek to have their emotional and sometimes physical needs met outside of the marriage. Open marriages rarely work. They do not allow the couple to properly bond and establish trust and intimacy. In reality they really are not marriages at all. It is merely a relationship with benefits. The question is why do you marry? Here again there is also usually an underlining insecurity. Some seek open marriages because they lack the ability to commit to a trusting monogamous relationship.

Adults need healthy self-esteem. When they do not have self-confidence there is then a tendency to cover it up. Drugs or alcohol is another way of covering up low- esteem and inner pain to compensate for their insecurities. The changing shift in morals increases and abets experimentation and participation in the area of illicit sex and drug use as well. There is also a tendency to project your insecurities upon others... Countless individuals are currently addicted to pornography and other sexually related addictions. Unknowing they have been seduced not thoroughly considering the spiritual ramifications or consequences of walking in disobedience. This is why it is important to know that God sees everything!

Many enter into marriage without really getting to know the person they marry. Either spouse has quite often, not taken the time to examine one another’s values or priorities. They in fact are “unequally yoked.” Your spouse is supposed to be your life partner! Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to God’s design for marriage. Afterall, you both made a vow to God? You really want to take your marital vows seriously. This is why it is so important not to rush into marriage for whatever reason? After all, you are going to be together for a lifetime?

There is much on the horizon in this 21^st century to change God’s design for marriage. It is within the context of this article I am attempting to make an exertion to address “Marriage God’s Way” and some of its surrounding issues. His original design for marriage has not changed. Marriage God's way is "HOLY MATRIMONY!"

When one hastily rushes heart first into marriage, the relationship often become compartmentalized and there are parts of one another that are not readily shared. It takes more time for each spouse to sort through the layers of personality. In order to grow together there must be the desire for ongoing transparency. When one does not become transparent emotional walls begin to erect. In the interim you may “walk on eggshells.” This becomes stressful as well as unhealthy! Nor does this let your spouse in and often one elects to supplement their needs outside of the marriage.

Pornography, sexual addictions of all sorts and affairs are on the rise in this 21^st century. These are a few of the unhealthy ways of meeting your marital needs outside of marriage. Addictions are strong, uncontrollable compulsive behaviors that are damaging to the mind, body and soul. Sexual dysfunction is prevalent today and rising. It is a not only a physical disorder but psychological as well. STD’s and HIV become probable dire health issues? This does not have to be. Since sex outside the sanctity of marriage is often supported this tends to make it much easier to go outside the marriage to seek ways to get your sexual desires and needs met.

Our teens need better healthy committed marriage role models!

Sexual feelings are natural and should be openly discussed rather than ignored! Many teens participate in sex before marriage without fully considering the illicit bonding that takes place when sex occurs. Promiscuity among teens often occurs when one seeks to fill their inner void through sexual relationships. Not really realizing that they are actually giving away parts of themselves. There is an enormous amount of peer pressure for teens. This can result in unexpected pregnancies. This can also later result in further hindering future transparency in marriage!

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh…” You void trust when you dishonor your marriage vows… It is important to know whatever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you! This is another reason why one should take their time in selecting a proper spouse.

If you are a believer, you must consult our Creator and Maker instead of embracing the world’s many alternatives? If you have ignored Him, you can always change? God is able! Start right where you are "reset" and get back on track. You must begin to diligently seek God for help with your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Have some dialogue about where you are in marriage. You cannot change what has been but you can move forward. Make a plan together to enrich your marriage. Begin to meditate upon His Word, embrace and daily implement His principles in your life. Yes do; begin to be honest with your spouse. Or you can continue to “do your own thing?”

Getting your needs met outside of marriage is not God's way. It is actually a weakness taking the helm of your life. Things will get out of control. This leads you on the broad road that leads to destruction. This will eventually devastate your spouse and further weaken your ability to build a strong healthy marriage and hinders your spiritual life as well. You both need to work together building healthy boundaries to establish a safe, secure marriage. One must take some time and ponder what the impact of practicing infidelity or sex outside of marriage does to their spouse. No doubt, it hurts them terribly!

*If you are in ministry one should really take time to address the consequences of indulging in a sexual relationship outside of marriage! You water down your effectiveness and invalidate the "Call" God has upon your life! You are actually coming from an immoral perspective that taints your ability to see or properly discern God's will. God does not support nor condone sex outside of marriage. KNw that you are operating outside of His Will. The Word teaches us about seducing spirits. This is what is getting you off track and causing you to “walk in the flesh.” See Galatians 5.

KNOW GOD AND HIS WORD FOR YOURSELF!

If you are a believer, it is important to know the WORD of GOD! The Word was never meant to be a set of rigid legalistic rules and regulations. It is our “Life Manual!” A powerful loving guide that is designed to point us to TRUTH! To keep us on the straight and narrow road! God is now your Father or is He? God does not force us; we have the right to choose! He did not make us to be robots. . He has given us His precious Holy Spirit, His Comforter to lead guide, direct and protect us. It is your choice to apply and take heed to His marvelous Word! It is important to weigh the consequences of your decisions? You do not want to be a stranger to His will and way! Or do you?

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord you are saying you want to develop an intimate transparent relationship with Him! Don’t let the world dull your conscience and spiritual ethics! As long as we all are on this side of heaven we are here to learn and grow spiritually. God has a better way. The Lord sees us individually and knows exactly where each of us are... We are supposed to reach out for the Lord, call on Jesus and apply His Word to our lives daily! His arms are always open. He is more than able to help us in any situation…

God is never far from any one of us. See Acs 17