Think Before You Have SEX Outside of Marriage
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Think Before Sex Outside Of MARRIAGE!
Marriage is so much more than just an idea! A high-quality satisfying marriage requires Love, Commitment and good open Communication! Make it a point to understand what your spouse is relaying to you. Repeat back to them what they are saying if you are not sure what they mean! You can either build or tear down with your words! Take the time to listen and understand one another. This does not mean that you will always agree! The goal is to understand where they are coming from and what their perspective is and how do you continue to go forward together! Marriage is about continually refining and improving your relationship!
It is important to build good healthy secure marriage boundaries! Pray for and with your spouse! Be careful from whom you seek counsel! Many marriages have failed due to poor communication and unwise counsel! When seeking an objective opinion or wise counsel to resolve conflict it is important that you present the facts… or distinguish that this is how you feel! It is important for each of you to take responsibility for your part in the marriage! Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate partnership of love between a man and a woman! “HIS LOVE endures Forever!”
Whoever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you more than you might know! If you have had multiple partners take some time and allow the Lord to heal and restore you before rushing into another relationship! Take some time to recollect yourself and think on a deeper level as to what you really want out of a relationship! It is easier to continue to just change partners rather than develop a deep monogamous lasting relationship! Many instead opt to maintain a surface, superficial relationship. This usually leaves one unsatisfied and never really allows true intimacy to develop… STOP GIVING YOURSELF AWAY! GOD CAN refresh and renew you!
Be careful and selective who you join yourself together with! A man deposits his DNA into the woman that can possibly linger for a lifetime! You actually bond together… There really is nothing casual at all about sex! Many don’t consider what is really happening beyond just getting their sexual needs satisfied! A surge of oxytocin from the brain makes a woman want to have sex and bond. A surge of testosterone from the brain makes a man want to have sex but possibly be done with you once its over! Again, Stop giving away parts of yourself and begin to respect yourself! Save yourself until you want to make a total commitment! (Please be sure to see video below!)
Spend quality time in the Word of God discovering firsthand what He has said about marriage! I personally am in favor of God’s Design for Marriage! It really can work!
Many today engage in physical and or emotional affairs… This does not have to be! Many do not think about how hazardous this is for their marriage! Open marriages breed insecurity! Infidelity is very dangerous in marriage! It bonds you with someone other than your spouse! This actually weakens your marital bond! It also fosters an unhealthy unstable marriage environment of doubt, distrust and insecurity…
Due to the fact that the societal expectation for marriage has substantially lowered the moral standards, this now renders infidelity as more acceptable! Make it a priority to tenderly and sincerely fulfill one another’s physical needs so there is not a need to go outside of your marriage to just have sex! You are not only cheating your spouse, your so called lover, but yourself as well! Someone will be hurt! Affairs are rampart today but can be avoided when you are sensitive to one another’s needs! You also honor The Lord and the vows you made! Continue to flame the embers of love in your marriage! Rekindle the initial attraction or build a new one! Set aside some time and openly discuss ways to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, build transparency and enhance your love making rather than look outside of your marriage to get your physical needs met… Now each time you come together and give of yourself to one another you reinforce the marital bond! So please “Think Before Sex Outside of Marriage!”
Previously married partners or unmarried sexual partners have a tendency to fall back into sexual relationships because they have bonded before! They are familiar with one another and have connected physically and often have unfinished issues between them. This is also why it is important to think before you give yourself to someone because they become a part of you! Momentarily they s often set aside their differences to have sex. However the commitment is no longer there! As adults you can always choose to do whatever you want but remember there are always consequences for those choices!
If you are single and seeking to marry it is important to know that once you have become physically intimate outside of marriage it is harder to be objective! It is quite common today but so is divorce! For many it doesn’t matter because after all we are adults… Not really realizing that it can cause inner conflict as you prematurely bond without being committed to one another… There is a magnetic sexual attraction that occurs that often yields you powerless. Remember what I said earlier about bonding! I suggest putting off the physical relationship until you have married and have truly committed to one another… If things don’t work out you have not given more of yourself away! This also exercises discipline! Self conttol is an honorable virtue! First really take this time to get to know one another better before you plunge into another relationship… Consider waiting and take the time to build a physically satisfying physical relationship once you have made your vows!
Since you are single you are in a good position because you can look forward to finding a spouse that you are compatible with! Don't just settle for anyone out of loneliness! You no longer have to compromise yourself! Find healthier ways to fill your void! While you are waiting and anticipating that right someone, present your requests to The Lord! He has promised to meet your needs! You cannot change anything that has happened but you can move forward! Work on strengthening and improving yourself... In the meantime begin to release any guilt or shame! So you can enter a new relationship fresh and with less baggage! You must be realistic and be wiling to grow along with this spouse you desire! Spend time with The Lord and allow Him to guide you in this area! Stay open to His leading and be patient! "And my GOD WILL meet ALL your needs according to HIS glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS" Philippians 4.
Right now you want to make sure that you find out more about this person that you want to commit to! You both need to share many facets of your lives with one another... Actually you should do this before you give yourself to someone anyway! It can be devastating when you find yourself committed to someone who is not committed to you! Too many become unequally yoked! They often hastily marry and find out after the fact that they are not on the same page about most things and share very few of the same values… This could prevent a lot of divorces if you posed certain questions before you say “I DO!" Don’t just hold out on sex to entrap someone… This is a part of divorce proofing your marriage and building a firmer foundation! A high quality marriage is built on much more than just physical attraction! After all you will have the rest of your life to learn how to physically enjoy one another…
You will need to take some time and have a “spiritual cleansing” if you have been physical outside of marriage!” Together out of respect for the Lord seek His face and ask Him to bestow His Blessings upon your marriage! Start anew! “Having sex outside of marriage is like fire outside of the fireplace! It can burn your house down! "But if we walk in The LIGHT, as HE is in The LIGHT, we have FELLOWSHIP with one another, and The BLOOD of JESUS HIS SON PURIFIES us from ALL sin..." I JOHN 1. There is WONDER working POWER in The BLOOD of JESUS! He CAN transform your life and BLESS your marriage! When you are married it's different you have entered a covenant agreement! It is important to honor your vows!! The WORD teaches us that the “Marriage Bed is undefiled!” HEBREWS 13. So freshen up, take a bath or shower and ENJOY one another! Marriage is honorable in the eyes of The LORD!
Sin is rampart throughout this world! It also separates us from God! As we grow in His Grace we should sin less.... The world says it doesn’t matter if you are married or not? You can choose to marry whomever you want; male or female? Those of us who believe in “Marriage God’s Way” are becoming fewer and fewer! The world is desensitizing many more to God’s Design for Marriage and seducing them to compromise in order to be accepted! It is important to know that the spiritual warfare wants to continually separate us all from God our Creator & Maker and His purpose He created each of us for! Marriage between man and woman is considered to be “Holy Matrimony” in the eyes of God! To many marriage is no longer holy!
Now look! Think about it! It is not by coincidence that marriages and families are breaking up left and right! Splitting and splitting again and again… There has been a significant shift in values... As I mentioned earlier currently an excess of 55% of marriages end in divorce! What’s the problem? Many are bailing out because they want to try something different… Many have married without really getting to know the person they have married! Please do not get involved with someone on the rebound! The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages! No wonder the world at large is experiencing so many natural catastrophes and economic trade devastation this world is going backwards…
Having affairs has become glamorized and many are continually lowering their standards and have been seduced and don’t even know it! Having sex is no big deal... Hollywood has now become the standard model for marriage for many. For many its all about the ceremony! It is possible that you are considered old fashioned and somewhat narrow minded when you do not go with the current flow! There is nothing prudish or outdated about loyalty & committment! Be committed to what you know is right even if it means for a season you must stand alone!
The current Recession is an indication that the world is going backwards! We have been here before! All the signs are continuously becoming apparent again! New era same relational dynamics! Many are restless, tired, lonely, depressed, dissatisfied, discontented, empty, angry and seeking fulfillment in life! Looking in all the wrong places… “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, There is nothing new under the sun...” Ecclesiastes 1. We can learn a lot from The Word of God! Right before the flood everyone was doing what was “right in their own eyes!” They too did not want to do things God’s Way! You listen to the news and everyone else so please take some time and personally ponder upon what God says about marriage! After all He is The Creator of marriage! He also created us! So why not check out His Word! Don’ just take second hand information when making such serious decisions! Here you can discover who really is the true source of life and living! Believe it or not God is The Creator of man and woman and I think He knows what is best for us! He sees way down the road! As a matter of fact He sees everyone, everything, everywhere!”
Build healthy personal boundaries and respect your marriage vows as well as the marriages of others! If you are not sure please don’t make them… If you are married, it is not too late to make it a point to water your marriage with love, caring, peace, tenderness, loyalty, fun, respect, understanding and yes excitement! When you sincerely pray together, embrace godly principles you can stay together! Invite God into the center of your Marriage! Together you can give your marriage an overhaul if needed! You have the POWER together to design and write your own script, then proceed to make it happen… You can’t help but see that way too many marriages are in trouble! Too many marriages and families are breaking up… Make your marriage a priority! “What GOD has joined together let NO man or woman put asunder…” So please; THINK Before Sex Outside of Marriage!
IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
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Wise advice.
This is such an important message for all to hear - esp. teens, young adults, singles and even married couples. Unfortunately in today's society it is also a very unpopular message. BUT it still happens, there are those couples who do actually wait until they are married to have sex and when I know of such couples, it is so refreshing and gives such hope!
This genration youths are so sexually active that the pharse 'think before you have sex' is secondary
This is great advice DeBorrah and lines up perfectly with God's Word. God does answer prayer and no matter what temptations are before us whether it be sex before marriage or an affair, or even just misunderstandings between a man and wife, through prayer He will help us overcome any temptation and make decisions and choices that honor Him. A great hub and something we all need to hear and be reminded of. "Marriage should be honored by all" Blessings to you.
awesome piece of work. Thanks.
EXcellent hub voted up and useful. This hub presents timely and godly principles on relationship between a man and a woman. These are great prinsiples to live by. The principles presented in the Bible regarding man and woman relationship will remain timeless principles and will never be outdated by the modern era. They are the greatest guidance to love and marriage. Thank you for sharing these timeless truths here at Hubpages. I wish you a blessed day today DeBorrah. May you continue to write for God's glory. Your presence here at Hubpages has been a blessing to many. Best regards.
These are some of the words that people shun.Continue speaking for one day this generation will change.Its true every act has a consequence and you reap what you sow.
And then we would not have the 42 million problems we now have. The unwanted/unloved babies, spread of disease, lack of trust and on and on. It is still worth speaking about. Sometimes a few actually listen.
Thanks as always!
Carolyn
Great hub ...keep it up :0)
Mike :0)
DeBorrah this has to be the most informative best written article I have seen on this subject. Our church teaches and preaches this message all the time, so I've read lots of stuff on it. Awesome, well done. Let's pray many others choose to read it. Voted up and useful.
Dear Mr.s Deborrah : This is a wonderful educational Christian message in great length concerning how we should respect our bodies. This is wonderful , and everything you say is so important. God Bless you dear heart, and the world is a better place because of wonderful angels like you for keeping the young, and elders well informed. God Bless you, and your precious loved ones in the loving arms of our Heavenly Lord.
Marriage is a picture of the relationship in salvation. I just wrote a poem about this very thing. When one joins their bodies in sex with another person other than their mate it is an abomination. When Israel began worshipping idols God called the nation a whore. She "joined" with them and became "one" with them. Sex is more than just a physical release, as the world would have us believe. It is a unifying and oneness, becoming one with each other. It creates a sort of curse when one joins with another because marriage (including sex) is a spiritual thing. Wonderful article DeB. God bless you, Bob.
DeBorrah, very good article! This is a hard subject to cover. These days, I believe more and more teens are experiencing with sex at much earlier ages then in the past. It has almost become a trend and the cost is devestating when babies are brought into this world by a 13 year old girl. Most guys are always going to go after the girl. Many times, constant presure leads to eventually the girl having sex. As parents, we have to talk to our children. Love is special and making love is sacred. This article comes at a good time. The world is changing. Well said and voted up, useful, and interesting.
A very important message that not many people address these days. It's got to the point where people think that it's stupid to wait for Marriage.
It has affected our Society now - So many teenage pregancies, which then had a knock-on effect because not all the kids are being given a good foundation, as they are not looked after properly.... not to talk of the spiritual implications.
It's good you wrote this. I learnt a lot from it too.
Regards, Elena.
Deborrah, I grew up believing you shouldn't have sex outside of marriage. I was told that's what the Bible taught. In reality, it doesn't. It's actually a part of the Jewish tradition of the old testament and and wasn't even taught by the Christian church until medieval times. The Bible condemns specific sex acts, but never sex outside of marriage. I was a virgin when I married my first wife, and we had a horrible sex life. Totally incompatible. My wife now would have the exact same story. I had no basis of comparison because I had never had sex with someone before. it was just not right. My wife now, we were very sexually active before we got married, and we are just as, if not more, active now.
Sex is a big deal. It's important. It shouldn't be taken lightly, and if you're not prepared for the consequences, physical and otherwise, then don't do it. But, I firmly believe the churches teaching on "premarital sex" is a big part of the high divorce rate in churches (it's actually higher inside the church then out) and it's because sex is such an important part of marriage. The idea that if you're a virgin when you get married that you don't have problems sexually when you're married is absolutely ludicrous.
I appreciate your hub and your conviction and well thought out points. I just don't buy your conclusion.
Deborrah,
I’m glad you asked that question. First, I probably need to rephrase my initial statement. I believe adultery is wrong and the Bible teaches it’s wrong. It names it. Fornication, that’s a curious one.
I did a word study on fornication a few years ago. Believe it or not, I want to do what the Bible says but, more than that, I want the Bible to be taught accurately. I don’t want anything added to it or taken away from it. I imagine anyone with a heart for the Word of God would also feel the same way. The curious thing I found about the word fornication is that it is usually defined in terms or “immorality”. I decided that to understand what fornication actually means, I needed to understand what immorality meant. Turns out, immorality was always defined as “fornication”. Sounds like a catch 22.
Truth is, you will not find a definition of fornication in the Bible. You will also not find a passage that specifically condemns sex when you are not married (lots of verses on lust, but what exactly is lust and is it wrong? If I want to make love to my wife, am I not lusting after her? Just saying, these words go deeper than many people care to admit) unless it’s with an animal or a member of the same sex. The Bible condemns these practices regardless of marital status.
Bear in mind, marriage is also cultural. I, for one, have always found it silly that if you have sex with your fiancee an hour before your wedding that the church would say you were in sin, but, when a man, by the power of the state declares you married an hour later, the church is okay with it. Historically, the biblical idea of marriage varies greatly from our thoughts about it today.
So, what does the word Fornication actually mean? I believe that it has been mistranslated in modern English bibles, and other scholars back me up. “In modern English, fornication typically refers to voluntary sexual intercourse between persons not married to each other. Given that modern definition, a verse that condemns fornication (such as 1 Corinthians 6:9 which is often cited by various denominations as biblical opposition to pre-marital sex) would appear to be clear. However, in the New Testament, fornication is the word used to translate the Koine Greek word porneia into English. In Ancient Greek, the word porneia meant "illicit sex" or "illegal sex". Early Christians interpreted this word to encompass activities such as: adultery, incest, and bestiality.”
You can also view that information here: http://jesus-messiah.com/html/fornication.html and numerous other places.
The church itself didn’t officially teach that sex between two unmarried people was sinful until the 13th century and this was only to increase the church coffers by way of indulgences, not because of any real sense of piety.
The point is, I’m a real life example-- and I could easily bombard your e mail with others-- that the what the church (notice, I did not say Bible. Today’s church is so apostate from the Bible it’s not even funny) teaches about sex is patently wrong and destructive.
I know your heart is the in the right place and I truly admire your conviction, but, I believe your interpretation of scripture on the issue of sex is wrong.
You’re a great, godly woman and a good Bible teacher and I appreciate you allowing me to have this forum to share my thoughts. I know you don’t know me well, but please know my heart is to serve God and see His Word taught correctly.
Blessings to you!
Thank you for your response, Deborrah. I appreciate you getting back to me. Growing up in the church, I've heard those verses and the interpretations of those verses. I agree that sex should not be taken lightly and I also agree that people can be fulfilled sexually and be with only one person, but, that was not the case for me. I also agree with you that sex is a spiritual act as well as a physical one. I am in no way saying sex should be taken lightly.
The issue I have, and that you did not address is the definition of sexual immorality. if you can find me a verse that says that sexual immorality is an unmarried person having sex with another unmarried person, then i will buy into it. Such a verse does not exist thus we are left only with the interpretation of sexual immorality, since the only sexual acts specifically mentioned int he bible are bestiality, adultery, homosexuality and, of course "Sexual immorality". Immorality, of course, is defined differently by different people and different cultures.
“FLEE sexual immorality. ALL sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body…“ I Corinthians 6
so, I ask again, how does the Bible define sexual immorality? You've only shown me that the bIble condemns sexual immorality, but you haven['t shown me where it defines it outside of the specific acts I've mentioned and we've agreed on.
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well…” Proverbs 5.
This is very obviously a reference to adultery. I agree with you that adultery is a sexual sin.
I'm frustrated that you're missing my point. You are basing your opinion on words that have been misinterpreted, or at least can be interpreted in multiple ways, as fact. The fact is, fornication has been misinterpreted in English bibles. You have no addressed this question.
I fall short when I try to live within the letter of what is written in the bible. I make progress and I'm set free when I live within the spirit of what is written in the bible. That's what the bible teaches me. Thanks for your interesting discussion.
Very Very Interesting read. I find your words...words of wisdom. I beleive many people can and will relate to what you have written (even myself). I have been experiencing difficult times within my marriage, and have been looking for answers and I am a firm believer that God works in mysterious ways. Blog posts, television shows, the radio, a single word from a stranger, and even from HubPages! I finding your article was not just by simply performing a search on HubPages, but I found your article to hear what I needed to hear regarding what I am personally going through in my marriage.
I just would like to say thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more of your articles.
This article is total garbage
























Moon Daisy Level 5 Commenter 7 months ago
Lovely photo.